I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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