I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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