are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
