Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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