I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
