You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
