so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i want to swaddle you in tequila
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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