Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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