Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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