Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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