Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
