This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
