also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
