Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
