right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You can't just leave with hair like that
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
