the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
