i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
