My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
