I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
