All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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