I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
