This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
