At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
