I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
