what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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