you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
