I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
