Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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