Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
