Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if only i could text you this smell
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
