How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
