WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
