My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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