i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
