I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
