there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
