She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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