i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
