I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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