how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
