ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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