It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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