So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
