So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
