I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
