we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
