Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
