Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
