I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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