STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
