Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he shaved USA in his pubs
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
